Life According to Upworthy

By Benjamin Samuel

1 Undeniable Reason Why You Wake Up In AMAZING PAIN Every Day

There Are 99 REASONS TO STAY IN BED, But Loneliness Ain’t 1

9 KILLER WAYS You Could Die In The Shower and Never Be Found For Days

The REAL TRUTH About Why Your Clothes Don’t Fit You Anymore

Is Someone Secretly Switching Your Coffee Beans To Decaf?

You Won’t Believe How Old This Milk Is!

Only The Government Knows Why This Train Is Being Held Between Stations, But They Aren’t Telling

High Blood Pressure? How Being Late For A Meeting Could ACTUALLY KILL YOU

CALM DOWN! Public Anxiety Makes You A Tempting Target For Criminals

The 7 Best Things To Yell At A Reckless Taxi Driver (NSFW)

Is He THE WORLD’S FRIENDLIEST Security Guard? And Why Can’t You Ever Remember His Name?

Watch This Executive Struggle To Control His Rage

3 SUREFIRE TACTICS To Avoid Getting Fired

Why GROVELING Is The Most Important Job Skill In The World

How To Pretend You Were NEVER CRYING, But Just Had Something Stuck In Both Your Eyes While Choking

How You Can At A Company for 6 Years WITHOUT EVER DOING ANY WORK

FLIP OUT Over This MIND-BLOWING Flipbook Made From Post-Its

3 Places To Hide In Your Office Where No One Will Find You

ATTN Managers! Why No One Should Be Expected To Work Past 5 PM Ever

This Bar Has The World’s Most Happy Hour Is THE ONLY REASON YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY

She Is WAAAAY Out Of Your League, But Looked At You Like She Probably Will Totally Sleep With You

1 Pick Up Line That NO WOMAN CAN EVER RESIST

Why Getting DEVASTATINGLY REJECTED—Probably Because YOU’RE NOT AS ATTRACTIVE AS YOU WERE IN COLLEGE OR EVEN A FEW YEARS AGO, But You’re Still Doing REASONABLY FINE BY MOST STANDARDS Considering Your Age—Isn’t Even A Real Rejection At All

Who Needs Dignity When You’ve Got THE BEST BEER IN THE WORLD?

10 SOUL NUMBING Drinks That’ll Make You Forget How Pointless Everything As Long As The Bartender Will Continue Serving You

NOBODY IN THE WORLD Knows How You Got Home Last Night

Benjamin Samuel is the Co-Editor of Electric Literature. You can find him in Brooklyn and Twitter at @benasam. You can hear from the gentleman pictured at the top at Upworthy’s privacy page.